Episode 4: The Perfectionist Trap: Why You’re Overwhelmed, Procrastinating & Burnt Out (and How to Break Free)

27 Jan

If you’ve ever thought…

“Why can’t I just say no?”
“I should have done more today.”
“This isn’t good enough—I need to fix it…”

…you’re not alone.

These are just a few of the internal whispers of perfectionism—a pattern that so many high-achieving women experience, yet rarely talk about. In this episode of The Overwhelm Edit, I’m diving deep into what I call The Perfectionist Trap—and why it’s such a common cause of overwhelm, procrastination, and burnout.

Perfectionism: A Hidden Drainer of Energy

So many of the incredible women I coach—smart, capable, successful—have one thing in common: perfectionism. It’s often simmering just under the surface, especially during stressful or demanding seasons of life. It can look like pushing harder, staying late, overcommitting, overthinking... but inside, it often feels like you’re barely keeping your head above water.

We convince ourselves that striving for perfect will help us cope—but it quietly drains our time, energy, and self-worth.

**What Perfectionism Really Sounds Like**

Perfectionism doesn’t always announce itself clearly. It sneaks in through thoughts like:

“I’m not coping—it’s just me.”
“Why do I keep saying yes when I want to say no?”
“What I’ve done isn’t good enough—I need to do more.”
“People are going to find me out.”
“I feel like a failure.”
“I should have done more today.”

These internal voices can become so normalised that we don’t even realise how much they’re driving our decisions.

Perfectionism Isn't About Being Perfect

Let’s bust a myth: Perfectionism isn’t about being perfect.
If only! The irony is that perfectionism is actually rooted in not feeling good enough. It’s not about being the best—it’s about trying to avoid shame, criticism, or failure. It’s driven by the fear that if we don’t get it just right, something bad might happen. That someone might see we’re struggling. That we might be judged or feel exposed.

Perfectionism is our nervous system’s way of trying to keep us safe.

Perfectionism + Procrastination = Overwhelm

Here’s the kicker: perfectionism and procrastination are often linked.

You may want to do something really well, but that pressure to get it just right becomes so overwhelming that you don’t even know where to begin. So you freeze. You delay. You tell yourself, “I’ll start when I feel more ready.” That leads to more guilt, more pressure—and the cycle continues.

And no, this isn’t laziness.
This is fear.
Fear of getting it wrong. Fear of being seen. Fear of not being enough.

And that fear is exhausting.

Where Does Perfectionism Come From?

You weren’t born a perfectionist.

Perfectionist habits are learned coping strategies—often from childhood or early adult life. Maybe you were praised for achievement. Maybe mistakes weren’t safe. Maybe being “the strong one” or the “responsible one” became your role.

Over time, your brain internalised the message:

“I’ll be okay if I don’t make mistakes.”
“I’ll be accepted if I get everything right.”
“I’ll feel safe if I’m always achieving.”

These protective beliefs live deep in your subconscious. They might have helped you cope at one point. But now? They’re keeping you stuck in burnout and overwhelm.

The Side Effects of Perfectionism

Perfectionism often brings along a few unhelpful friends:

People-pleasing: Saying yes when you want to say no
Overworking: Feeling like rest has to be earned
Avoiding boundaries: Because conflict feels unsafe
Seeking external validation: Struggling to feel “enough” without praise
Procrastination: Feeling stuck in fear and self-doubt

These patterns can leave you feeling depleted, disconnected, and resentful—and often misunderstood. From the outside, you look like you’re coping. But inside? It’s a very different story.

So How Do We Break the Cycle?

There’s no magic wand—but there is a path forward.

It starts with awareness. Begin by gently noticing your inner voice. What is it saying? What’s it trying to protect you from?

Then, add in calming tools like breathwork, grounding techniques (like the APEX method from Episode 2), and nervous system regulation. These help create safety internally, so your subconscious no longer needs perfectionism to feel okay.

From that calmer place, you can begin to take small, deliberate steps toward something different.

Start Here: Small Shifts, Big Change

Change doesn’t come from doing a complete 180 overnight. It comes from everyday moments like:

Saying “no” with kindness and clarity
Finishing work on time without guilt
Taking a deep breath before overcommitting
Letting something be “good enough” instead of perfect
Allowing yourself to rest just because you’re worthy of it

These moments may feel small—but they are revolutionary acts of self-permission.

And each time you do them, you’re teaching your brain and body a new, healthier way to live.

You Are Not Alone (And You’re Not Broken)

This episode is an invitation:
✅ To step off the treadmill of doing and achieving.
✅ To challenge the inner critic that says you're not enough.
✅ To turn down the pressure and reconnect with what actually matters to you.

You’re not lazy. You’re not failing. You’re simply human—and you’re worthy of feeling calm, grounded, and free.

Ready to Break Free from the Perfectionist Trap?

Listen to the full episode of The Overwhelm Edit now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts!

Want to Go Deeper?

If you want to break free from the grip of perfectionism and start living with more confidence, peace, and productivity have a look at my masterclass: Overcoming Perfectionism and Overwhelm

Inside, you’ll find powerful, practical ways to reclaim your energy —starting today.

Let’s Keep the Conversation Going

Come say hi over on Instagram @drsaralouwylie—I’d love to hear what resonated most from this episode. What permission are you giving yourself today?

Disclaimer: This content is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. Please speak to your GP or a qualified health professional if you are struggling with your mental health.